My husband and I are married almost 4 years. Second marriage for both of us. I have a son and he has a son from our first marriages. We have a beautiful baby boy named Danny who is 22 months old and just diagnosed autistic. Danny lost his speech, lines things up, rocks and bangs head, tantrums a lot, is hypersensitive to noise and water, won’t even get in tub anymore. He never responds to his name and stares at wheels on toy cars and spins them. My husband says that Danny is mechanical and that is why he likes wheels and that he just “has nothing to say” so he stopped talking. He says Danny will “grow out of this” and I’m creating drama. Does he think that therapists come here two times a day for no reason? How do you deal with someone in denial like this? It makes me angry and I feel alone with all this. He won’t talk about Danny’s future at all.
This item from Amazon might be of interest to you:
Tiny Love Sunny Stroll Arch, YellowThe Sunny Stroll arch features two key development features – batting (0-3 months) and manipulating (3+ months). The col… More >>
Melissa & Doug Deluxe Picnic Basket Fill & Spill Soft Baby ToyThe Sunny Stroll arch features two key development features – batting (0-3 months) and manipulating (3+ months). The col… More >>
My husband and I are married almost 4 years. Second marriage for both of us. I have a son and he has a son from our first marriages. We have…
11 replies on “How would you handle a spouse who is in complete denial about your toddlers autism diagnosis?”
That’s really not good at all that your husband won’t work with the problem. That in itself is going to cause more problems for your son and for your marriage. Your going to have to keep treating Danny in speech therapy as well as all of the other threapies that go along with it, don’t give up on your son (I can tell you won’t) but your husband is going to have to help out because ignoring autism can actually make Danny’s problem worse. Your going to have to drill it into his head or bring him along to a visit with your son’s physician. Men are real morons sometimes.
I am so sorry for you and your husband. Every parent wants to have a happy healthy child and it is so hard to bare when that doesn’t happen. Your husband probably would do some good for the both of you by seeing a therapist and going to support groups for parents with autistic children.
Don’t pressure him…thats his boy, and Im sure he feels a bit of responsibility or guilt for what hes going through. Moms are good at picking up and moving on in life but he heard something he doesn’t like and it’s hard to accept. Be patient, he won’t be denying the issue in a year or 5 years, he’s just dealing with it the only way he knows how, and that is by NOT dealing with it…good luck, he’ll come around
Finding out that there is something wrong with your child is never an easy thing to accept. I think right now he is in denial and is just telling himself and you that this is just a phase becasue he is having a hard time accepting it. You need to sit him down and make him face the fact that your son has autism and that it is not going to go away. Tell him that you feel like you are in this alone and that his support is very much needed.
you poor thing, that sounds so stressful. He clearly knows what is going on but just wont accept it. Sit him down and tell him that you and danny need him right now. Tell him that this is hard for you too and you need his support. Tell him that your being really strong and trying to deal with this and you dont want to deal with it alone. Tell him that you both need to talk about dannys future.
Im sure you’ve said all this before so im sure im not much help. Fair play to you for not getting mad, id be so mad at him right now for keeping his head in the sand. You should sit him down and if he still wont listen, get angry. Im not sure what else you can do.
Maybe you should ask the therapist that visits danny, he/she may be able to help you as they have probably experienced parents in denial before….good luck
You could have the doctor talk to him, I don’t know if it will do any good. He’s holding on to the false hope that he will grow out of it because he can’t handle it. In the mean time keep getting your son all the help you can and look for a support group for parents of children with autism for your self.
You know the saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Your husband is not ready to accept it yet.
Good luck to you and your son.
Be gentle. We as women can face things in a better light of realism than men can. This boy is his pride and joy so its very hard for them to face that maybe something they created may have a bit of a problem. he in time will come around to the idea that he has a “special child”. That’s what he is. Please read everything you can get your hands on to see that he can grow out of a lot of his symptoms that are so strong now. God created this little man for you and he has great plans for him. Be patient honey, You may have to carry a lot of the load in this one. You will earn your wings for doing so. Its harder for them to face problems that have no real quick answer. Bless you
If your child has been diagnosed with severe autism, then all that you can do is support the therapists. It would be painful for any father to accept autism in his own child… your husband is “grasping at straws.” in his efforts at denial…. Each of you has seen how a normal kid operates, so this child is obviously developing differently. Unless he helps in bringing your son along, this child WILL have no future, since if the things I have read are correct, the trick is to force the child to deal with reality with an “in your face” type of therapy….. Letting a kid bang his head, rock endlessly, and retreat into his own little world is the worst thing that you can do. I’m sure you have already purchased some books on it…. purchase some more. There have as well been some interesting articles in Discover Magazine within the last year that you need to hunt down. And for sure Parent Magazine has run some articles on it too. Get to your public library and hunt down that research, and get copies of it… all will be on microfisch or the like. Libraries can as well get books/articles from other libraries if they don’t have those on site. Any librarian would love to help you find all the material available to you. Good luck, hon.
Treat your child the way you know how to with you knowing he’s autistic. Let him treat his kid the way he knows how to believing his kid is not autistic or denying his kid’s autism. At least your child is getting different kinds of treatment. Which is effective? It could be any, it could be both. What’s important is you’re both there for Danny.
Im so sorry I wish I could give you a hug. I have been there before with my oldest son. My husband and his whole family was sooo mad when my son was diagnosed with autism they tried to make me feel guilty saying “he would grow out of it” and ” You just dont spend enough time with him”. I let two years slip by that he could have been on meds or therepy. Finally when he was five I stood up for him and now my son has regained almost normal speach from therepy and the meds have helped the tantrums and obessive behavior. Men sometimes have hard times dealing with issues like that because they feel guilt or shame. You know what is best for your child. Pray for your hubby he will come to terms. I am so sorry that he isnt being supportive right now. If you ever need someone to talk to please email me. Ambergesa2@yahoo.com. HUGS>
Your husband is in denial because to a man.When you tell them something is wrong with their son.They don’t hear something is wrong with their child.What they hear is something is wrong with me.I must be defective to have created this.Don’t blame him he can’t help himself.You can try to get your sons doctor to talk to him and explain things to him.It will only help him understand the mechanics of the disease at first.But the more informed you help him become.The more likely he will be able to cope with your sons issues.For the most part you need to just let him be and let him come to terms with this.And you need to put your efforts into your son.You can’t let any negative influences into your life at this point.Or it will hinder your sons progress.And if at some point your hubby can’t learn to deal with the problem at hand.Than he need to not be around your son.You son needs positive influences in his life.He needs people to believe he can overcome this problem.You also need to join a support group and become has aware of your sons problems has you can.There is amazing progress being made with autistic children these days.Your son can live a normal life if you are willing to do whatever it takes to push him to succeed and not let his limitations be used has an excuse.For right now just love him and believe in him that is all you can do.I wish you the best of luck with you little guy and his daddy.