I’ve been in the picture since about 3 months before my stepson was born. Although I’ve never been allowed to spend time with him (mom’s decision) all that is about to change since my significant other decided to take her to court and make visitation and child support official.
I don’t really want him to call me by my first name, but I don’t think teaching him to call me “mom” would be appropriate either. If he begins calling me that later, that’s fine. But I believe that’s something the child should be allowed to decide on his or her own.
I may not have been physically present in his life yet, but I’ve done everything I possibly can from the outside. Help daddy get the nursery ready, researched how to help him have more time with his daddy, knitted little hats and bought baby toys, and much, much more. I’m so excited that I’m finally going to get to spend time with him even though I had to wait until he was ten months old. 🙂
Any ideas?
Please don’t bash and call me a homewrecker. It was basically a one-night stand that turned into a lifetime relationship for two people who didn’t really know each other. I haven’t judged you. Don’t judge me. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, they were together well before I even met him.
I have a question for all of you that think I should forbid my step son to call me “mom” if he naturally chooses to do this on his own. Do you say the same thing to parents who adopted their children?
“Not flesh of my flesh,
Not bone of my bone,
But nevertheless
My very own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You were born not under my heart
But in it.”
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I’ve been in the picture since about 3 months before my stepson was born. Although I’ve never been allowed to spend time with him (mom’s decision)…
11 replies on “What can my step son call me?”
Maybe he can call you by your first name but put a “Miss” in front of it. For example “Miss Susan” It makes it a little more formal yet not too formal for that type of relationship.
How about Homewrecker? You were “in the picture” while his mother was pregnant with him? I have a few names for you but I don’t want to lose my account. You are not adopting him. His mother is alive …you’re just a woman his father lives with . He has a Mother, you have no right to be called MOM…You are nott his parent. You’re not married to his father so you are not his stepmother either,
You dont want him to call you by your first name and feel (understandably) that its inappropriate to call you Mom (or mum in uk lol). So what else is he really supposed to call you? Oi?
Maybe Auntie (insert your name here) would be nice, but surely your first name would be just as appropriate at this stage. As you say later on it could be Mummy (instert your name here!).
Good luck with your relationship with him x
Wow you stole her husband and now her son!
no offence to nene 1117,but having a child call you with a title in front of your name just sounds like your a complet stranger to them.my step brother danny calls my mom by her first name.maybe that would be best to start with then go on to the next stage.good luck and have a great time bonding with your stepson.ps dont listen to t people who talk about being a ‘homewrecker’ and that kind of thing.you have as much right to be wit the kid as his mother does
This is not your child, and you don’t have the right to be called “mom”. I imagine you will have some explaining to do when the child grows up enough to figure out that you are the reason his mother and father aren’t raising him together. I’m sure he’ll figure out what to call you.
hi i have a step son who calls me by my 1st name but when im not around or he’s with his mates he tells them im his dad!!! lol,either way im happy,pretty funny tho?good luck too you,as long as when your step son knows who his real mum is an knows who you are,doesnt really matter what he calls you?!?
I’m in a similar situation to you… only I’m the mother of the baby, not the girlfriend. Honestly, I would have a heart attack if my child called my ex-husband’s girlfriend anything other than her name – unless it was a nickname that she goes by.
The two have been dating for just under a year now and my son is 7 months old. There’s no guarantee that they’ll stay together, so I would find it completely unnecessary for my son to call the other woman anything but her name.
I would just wait it out to see what the baby chooses to call you when he starts talking. He may make up his own cute nickname for you.
I know that you feel a bit uneasy about letting this child call you by your first name but as a first step this can be good…. I’ll explain why in a minute.
Are you married to your partner, in a committed relationship or still refferring to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend? This will make a difference too.
You don’t want to establish your self as a new mom. No matter what you do you will never be his birth mother. You can be a positive female influence in his life. He already has a mother so IMHO she should be the only one entitled to go by that name.
If you start out as your first name (or a nickname for example instead of Nicole have him call you coalie) then you are introduced as a positive female. As your relationship grows(with your step son i mean) you can give your step son the opportunity to choose a special title all to your own.
I don’t mean to be pushing my ideas onto you but this approach worked for me.
When my fiance and i were dating i introduced him to my daughter as “Ryan”. Over time they got to know eachother and developed their own relationship. When he moved in with us i explained that Ryan was now part of our family. In lead up to the next fathers day i explained to my daughter that fathers day was a day to say thankyou to all the special grown up men in her life that take care of her. She said Oh i get it! That’s my grandad, Hunkle Luke (can’t pronounce uncle) Daddy and Ryan. I then explained that since all the other special grown up men in her life had special names that maybe Ryan needed one too. So i got a list of words that meant father or dad in other languages and read them to her. She decided that Ryan should be called “Pop-pop” (i had a cold so Papa didn’t quite make it through the sneeze!!)
She announced it on fathers day. Happy father’s day Ryan, would you like to be my Pop-pop?
So my daughter has a Daddy and her Pop-pop. Two different men that are a part of her life, with two different relationships, one no more important than the other.
You can do a similar thing in the lead up to mothers day. At my house everyone gets a present on fathers/mothers day. $2 shops are great for that kind of thing with little ones, they can have the run of the store without breaking the bank and they do put some thought into the gifts!
So the moral to my story is….
let your relationship develop first and then get a special title, a show of endearment rather than family rank, once you have a relation ship to build upon rather than starting cold.
There’s no reason the child can’t/shouldn’t call you by your name. There is no reason the child should *ever* call you Mom, and if he/she ever does, you should correct him/her. You are not this child’s mother. You are merely Dad’s girlfriend/Dad’s wife (whichever the case may be). You need to realize your position here and respect the boundaries. It would be different if Mom were not in the picture at all, but obviously she is.
EDITED TO ADD THIS AFTER YOU ADDED ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
But you didn’t (and I assume never will be able to) adopt this child. This child has a mother and it is not you. Being involved with the father does not make you this child’s parent.
You have to understand that if the mom won’t even let you see him (by her choice) I don’t really think the kid is going to call you mom. But if he does don’t correct him. Mom is a very caring term and if you get that far in his life good for you.
But remember it is going to be hard for him. Especially when he is older and can understand what is going on the bio is giong to use him against you guys. personal experience with divorced parents.
And to whomever says that you are a homewrecker who cares you can not break up a home that was meant to be together.
They obviously didn’t care for eachother otherwise they would still be together. They are just butt hurt because some girl probably took there man away!