okay, i’m a teenager, i have two brothers, and we’re fostering two kids under the age of two. my parents like pretty much act like the whole world revolves around these two kids. and i’m in my teen years, and i’m kinda sick of having baby toys, and strollers, ect. ALL OVER! and ALL their clothes are in my room! and i barely have enough room for MY CLOTHES! we’ve had them for 7 months, and if my parents don’t say anything, it could be ANOTHER YEAR!!!!! these kids cry and scream over EVERYTHING!!!! for the past 7 months, i’ve had to buy my own clothes and shoes, b/c my parents are getting all this extra stuff for the kids. but it’s like they act like we don’t exist and everything revolves around the kids. and before my brother recently got his liceanse, i never got to go shopping or anything, b/c there was always something going on with the kids! my parents say to tell them when it get’s to be to much, but i tell them and they don’t care! so can i feel this way, or am i self-centered?
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okay, i’m a teenager, i have two brothers, and we’re fostering two kids under the age of two. my parents like pretty much act like the whole world…
15 replies on “am i self-centered or ddo i have the right to feel this way?”
I think it’s not fair for your parents to do this to you now. Should wait until your 18 and out of the house. You’ll just have to suck it up, and when the time comes, have your parents committed into a 3rd rate nursing home. That’ll learn ’em good!
U should feel tat way. Itz normal for u 2 feel tat way. All u have 2 do is find a different spot 2 put ta kids clothes in and if ur parents say somthin tell them u need room for UR stuff. If they get mad at u get emotional wit them. Cry or do somthin tat will mak them feel bad about u. Then if they ask y u crying (or wateva u choose to do) tell them how u feel about ta two kids. If they are good parents they’ll make adjustments.
of course it’s OK to feel this way; you aren’t getting any attention! But, are you really getting no attention, or does it just feel that way? If you are getting attention, then just tell your parents that you think it’s great that they are trying to give these kids a home, but you need caring for as well. As for buying your own clothing, it’s good practice for adulthood. Welcome to the unfair world of the dollar.
I think that you are reacting as any teenager would. I think the best thing for you to do, is say hey, I need to talk to you after the kids have gone to bed (or gotten up) etc. Lay it down for them and tell them. They either need to change the goings on in the house, or they need to respect your need for space, and allow you to be a teenager. I understand that these children are much more needy than most children, my mother fostered children for 16 years. I understand believe me, and when it got to be too much for us, we told them and she stopped. Be honest, an talk to them one on one with no distractions, if you show them maturity, and “adult like” behavior they are more apt to listen. Good Luck.
I would have to guess that you are the youngest of the three kids. You have been lucky being the youngest and having all of the attention on you . Now you are jealous that the two new ones have taken over.
First. It is not the fault of the two little ones. They have absolutely nothing to do with this. They are not the ones making the decisions. Your parents thought that you were grown up enough to tell them when things got out of hand. It sounds like their expectations were out of line. You are being a baby yourself and are jealous of them. When you talk to your folks you are not being honest with them.
Either learn to live with it, or learn to tell your parents the truth.
You are definitely entitled to your feelings, but please remember that you have been blessed with a home and two parents that really do love you…these foster children have no one to love them, and your parents should be commended for opening their homes and their hearts to these kids. Ask your parents if you can talk to them. Then sit down (and try to be adult even though you’re still a teen) and tell them that you know you shouldn’t feel this way, and really do feel badly that you do, but you are feeling neglected and like the foster children have come to mean more to them than you and your brother do. Tell them that you are proud of them for what they are doing, and really don’t like that you are jealous, but none the less you are. Ask them to help you with this. Best wishes to you!
Well, sure you can feel this way. But those 2 babies your family is fostering have NOONE!!!!! They were given up for whatever reason and your parents chose to take them in. Them crying and screaming is typical for that age and they might’ve been taken from the natural parents due to drug use while pregnant. You and your siblings were born to family who wanted you and kept you. The foster children weren’t afforded that same luxury, so try to be more understanding. I wouldn’t say your self centered, but if you are having these feelings tell your parents again. Also, are they buying stuff the babies NEED as opposed to what you WANT. Think about the difference.
Well you are sounding selfish. But your parents are doing a good thing. Is there nothing possitive at all in this ordeal? I always bought my own clothes and shoe so I’m not sure what to tell you there. I wonder if your parents think so much of you that they believe you are adult enough to handle this. Maybe you could look at your parents and think wow look at how giving they are. I hope they have imparted that gift on me. I hope I can grow to be that strong of a person. Strong enough that I could open my home and expose my own children to kids that havent had the love and support they need to grow. It’s tough now but if you think about it from every point of veiw it is special. What could happen if your parents hadnt stepped up? Have you made no bond with these kids. Would it bother you to see them hurt? Just think about that and if you still want to go shopping well I’d say yes you are self absorbed. Good luck!
Self-centered? Hmm. Maybe just a bit, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a point. Before you talk to them again, though, you’d better be sure just what your point is.
Is it the mess, or is it what it symbolizes? To you, it seems like these kids have taken over your whole family life, right?
See, you don’t need as much of your parents’ attention as you did when you were little, but that doesn’t mean you need no attention from them at all. It sounds like you’re feeling kind of pushed aside. Natural when there are babies in the house. Babies need so much, and need it constantly.
But you need, too.
Problem is, your parents probably can’t hear you – literally – when you tell them. They’re tired, stressed (caring for babies is hard work). It’s hard to really process things you’re told when you’re that way. You need to talk to your parents away from the little ones.
Is there someone, your brother, a relative, a family friend, who can watch the kids for a couple of hours? Tell your parents CALMLY (people just don’t listen to someone who’s yelling, or whining. If you sound calm and sincere, they’re more likely to listen) that you need to talk to them, and you need to have their undivided attention, so could they please have someone watch the kids for a couple of hours? You go somewhere away from the house, like a coffee shop, and you talk.
Before that, though, you figure out what it is you want. List everything that’s bothering you and look for a pattern. Is it the mess? That your parents “act like we don’t exist?” What do you need? Their clothes out of your closet? Their attention? Figure out what is really important to you, and stick to that.
If it’s that you feel pushed aside, tell them you miss them, that you feel ignored, and you need some time with your parents. Ask them to get a sitter for a couple of hours once or twice a week so you can spend time with your parents uninterrupted. Remind them that you are still their kid (you’ll be their kid when you’re 80), and you still need them, too. Being a baby isn’t easy, but being a teenager is no picnic, either. Maybe your parents need a gentle reminder that you still need support, reassurance, guidance, all that stuff – and you’d rather get it from them.
Your best bet is to figure out exactly what it is you want, and to ask for it calmly, away from the kids. Good luck!
I think you have the right to feel this way. I would be frustrated and ignored to. Just find the right time to talk to them when the two kids arent there or if there sleeping. And if that doesnt work just try to hold on for 1 month I know everything will be okay.
It is very kind of you and your parents to take in UNWANTED children. I think your parents are just wanting to make the babies feel loved. You can actually help out and maybe make things better, by helping out, be proactive in this situation…I think 2 ckids are a bit much at one time. But I also agree with you…You do need your own space, or at least for it to be shared equally. and this is a very difficult time in you life….being a teen and all. What I do not want to see you do is to take the attitude, that your parents don’t care, so why should you….well they do care and love you. PLZ what ever you do, don’t go out and do things just to hurt them…you and your family are providing a better place for 2 children who might other wise would be suffering from neglect or could be dead. They are just trying in their own way to make a difference. I think that you need to sit down and have a heart to heat with your mom, do be rude or anything….be kind and just tell your mom that you understand what and why she is fostering, and that you think she is great for doing so, but that you would like to have some time with her yourself from time to time, and tell her that you do not mean this to sound mean or ugly in anyway, but that you and your brother are feeling a little neglected. Maybe this will get her to open her eyes up a litte, and get her to thinking. Just do not be ugly or rude…..do it in a loving and understang way.
Are you self centered? look at your ? and ask yourself that again.
These two little children have obviously been through some drama, otherwise they would not be there. Ever think of that?
Poor baby, had to buy your own clothes? Your being deprived of shopping trips?
Your old enough to take care of yourself, feed yourself, bath yourself..etc.
Grow up.
Be lucky your parents didn’t think the same way you are when you were a baby.
You have the right to feel that way. Maybe you should put it in a letter? Not many people can ignore a letter. Tell them that they told you to tell them when it gets too much and you’ve been telling them for a long time but they kept on ignoring you. Tell them all the things you are now doing and not before because the kids are here. Their clothes are in your room and you would want the baby clothes in the rooms of the babies. Tell them how you feel. They should understand you. If all else fails have your aunt tell them.
It’s completely fair and natural for you to feel this way- you’re taking the back seat. They said they’d be there for you by saying you could tell them when it’s too much but they showed you just the opposite. It sounds like your parents really need to learn their limitations and learn to balance the whole family. It was their choice to foster the kids and it’s their responsibility to judge whether or not they can take this on. They bit off more than they could chew and if they’re happy with that, they’re ignorantly neglecting their natural children. Keep saying something. If it gets worse or doesn’t change tell a counselor at school or your foster counselor. If you can’t change it for some reason just move on (when you can of course, 18yrs old) and make yourself a better person and don’t hold resentment, but resolve your feelings becuase it will only hold you back.
I’ve seen this happen in my extended family. The mother already had two children- one was 14 and the other 9 and Autistic). She and her new husband decided they wanted kids together so they looked to adoption. They ended up taking on two boys under the age of 5 w/ fetal alcohol syndrome. They were so absorbed w/ the new boys that they left the oldest out and didn’t pay attention to her and she ended up doing A LOT for the Autistic child. The boys were all they focused on. The oldest slipped in school, was angry and got into the wrong crowd. The mother and step dad didn’t think to look to themselves or think out their decision, they just ignored and treated the oldest like she was a pest.
u shud feel that way, yur parents shud make life revolve around U!!!! not around foster children they don’t even noe that well!!!!!!!!!!!!! U CAN KEEP FEELING THAT WAY!!!!!!!